Moments in deep waters are monumental, whether we recognize them at the time or not. We choose to sink or to float, to be hopeful or hopeless. When the water is swirling above our heads and the sun is obstructed, it doesn’t always feel like we have a choice. Though, feelings are fleeting and often lead us to believe deceiving thoughts, which in turn manipulate our actions and attitudes. We can CHOOSE to persevere in positive thoughts and trust in God.
In the aftermath of the deepest waters I have been through yet, I was consumed with grief, fear, anxiety, depression, and hopelessness. I thought that I had put my life into God’s hands and couldn’t understand why everything was going differently than I had planned or wanted. One big thing after another seemed to pile up onto mine and my husband’s life until it seemed I could no longer stand. Wave after wave, I thought I was trusting God with it all. I listened to multiple sermons a week, I prayed, I changed my lifestyle to include more self-care & exercise and less stress & unhealthy friendships. At one point I even quit my job because we felt it was making things worse, and that was the biggest leap of faith I could think of! I prayed and prayed… but I prayed for particular things to work out in specific ways. The prayers weren’t being answered because they were MY plans and MY vision of what I thought my path was supposed to look like.
God woke me up and helped me realize that these deep waters were going to continue to consume me if I relied on myself to keep afloat.
I was trying to swim without my life preserver.
It wasn’t true faith in God but a faith that was subconsciously dependent upon the outcome of “my vision”. Losing hope was losing trust in God’s PROCESS and God’s purpose and vision for me. We may not always understand in the moment how He will use our situation for the good, but do not allow your feelings in deep waters dictate your faithfulness and trust in God.
My vulnerability with you is not because I think of my blog page as a diary or because I want sympathy/attention. These words are meant to bring reassurance that you are not the only one who has trouble in deep waters, as well as to remind you that God is the only way out. He may allow us to stay in these tough places for longer than we want in order to help us GROW and MATURE and to remind us that He is the only thing we should rely on. God is with us when oceans rise, and God creates a bridge to walk right out when it’s time. We HAVE to trust in him whole-heartedly by listening to Him and aligning our thoughts with scripture in the MIDST of struggle.
The enemy finds our vulnerabilities and uses them as a weapon so that we destroy ourselves. Recognize those vulnerabilities and get to them before he does… when challenge comes your way, do you trust in God or do you lose hope in God by trusting yourself instead?